How can you tell when your husband is telling you the truth or a lie? Throughout the years that you have been together, you have probably already caught him fibbing once or twice or are you even sure that those are the only lies he told you?
One study claims that an average man lies at least four times a week. In contrast, women try to stretch the truth out of their partners only three times a week. Most of these may be little white lies, but over time they become huge webs of lies.
Another study showed that as we tell more lies, our brain becomes insensitive to the guilt which usually accompanies dishonesty. Hence, the more we lie, the easier it gets later until we don’t notice we are already telling bigger and bigger lies.
How do you tell if your husband is lying to you or not? Apparently there are signs to indicate that they are fibbing.
It is actually hard to spot a lie most especially when it comes from people we know so well like our wives or husbands. Studies say our hit rate of lie-detection is just 53 percent which is less than a hit of flipping a coin.
However, the science of lying reveals important notes in determining lies from your partners. While women can easily get caught in her language, lies from men can be pinpointed through their behavior.
With the help of three deception experts, Sarah Rainey comes up with an ultimate guide to spotting a lying husband. From the pitch of their voice to the position of their feet, be sure to be all ears and all eyes on your partner when they are trying to reason out.
#1. His Nose Literally Grows Like Pinocchio
The story of Pinocchio’s growing nose isn’t actually far from the truth. Science reveals a man’s nose really looks bigger when he tells lies. The area at the bottom of the nose called columella is responsible for this.
This area is larger among men than women as it contains more blood vessels. Once stressed from lying, a man’s nose twitches or glows red and his nostrils flare making the part look bigger and wider on his face according to body language and behavior expert Judi James. She also said:
“Nose or face-touching can also be an attempt to perform a cut-off — or a shield — with the hand to mask the facial expression.”
#2. Looking At The Door And Rapid Blinking
Unless you have an eye defect, an average person who’s telling the truth blinks once in every ten to 12 seconds at a speed of 100 to 400 milliseconds. Of course, you can’t measure the speed but a clear sign is that liars blink more often. Also, they close their eyes for a second or two to shield themselves from scrutiny and this period also gives them time to think of what to say next.
Author of “Eyes for Lies” and deception expert Renee Ellory says:
“Blinking equals nerves…If someone tells you they are not nervous, but they are blinking a lot, something is up.”
You can also tell a liar when a person’s pupil becomes dilated. This suggests a person is concentrating hard or feeling anxious and does unusual eye contact like avoiding another’s gaze completely or holding it for longer than usual.
However, a bigger giveaway is the direction to which they look. Experts say that a regular, right-handed person will look up and to the left when recalling the truth as this is towards the direction of the brain’s memory center. But when a person gazes up and looks to the right, this suggests that they’re trying to make up an answer as the right-hand side of the brain contains its creative part.
This goes the same when they are trying to recall something they heard. A look at the left suggests telling the truth while a look at the right indicates telling lies.
Also, those who are fibbing often look towards the door. This is their unconscious way of checking out an escape route to a situation.
#3. High-Pitched Tone Should Tell You Something’s Wrong
It’s no longer hard to catch a liar who’s not in front of you with experts saying truths and lies can easily be picked apart over the phone. All you need to do is to pay attention to the pitch of their voice. Low-keyed men who suddenly talk with lady-like pitch indicates telling lies. Judi James explains:
“Stress tightens the vocal cords, which can often raise the pitch of the voice…There can also be a slight breathlessness caused by stress.”
Other signs of fibbing includes repeated throat-clearing or swallowing and increase in pace. Talking fast signals trying to get the lie over and done with and a sign of anxiety and discomfort.
Speaking in a volume that only his own nose can hear is another clue. Body language expert and CEO of the Emotional Intelligence Academy, Cliff Lansley, explains:
“Liars tend to lower their volume to distance themselves from the lie they are telling.”
Also, take note of the word “Well” in answer to yes/no questions. This is a sign that they’re trying to buy time to make up stories. They’re also likely to avoid exclusionary words like ‘but’, ‘nor’, ‘except’ which all require complex thought processes.
#4. A Foot Pointing Towards The Door Show Sign of Retreat
Studies say liars tend to position themselves at right angles to the person they are lying to. This is to avoid scrutiny by turning half of their body away from the other.
Another sign is when they point their toes towards the door. This is a physical sign of making a hasty exit. This is the same with a person who’s initially sitting then later stands up, appearing agitated.
Studies have shown that liars tend to position themselves not face on, but at right angles, to the person, they’re lying to. This is a subconscious way of avoiding scrutiny, by turning half their body away from the other person.
Experts say our feet show our true feelings since they are not trained to disassemble our thoughts. The feet also easily forget about when covering a lie.
Someone who shuffles their feet, curls and uncurls their toes or crosses and uncrosses their ankles while speaking is also trying to escape with a lie.
#5. The Slip Between Eyebrows And Lips
We have a total of 43 muscles in the face that are responsible for moving our eyes, mouth, cheeks, and brows. Even the stiffest liar will struggle to control all these muscles at once. Some of these muscles simply won’t be activated in the absence of genuine emotion.
Renee Ellory once again explains:
“People don’t realize that our subconscious brain is constantly leaking out how we really feel, despite what we say.”
A liar’s lips may tighten so much with the effort of telling a lie that they appear pursed and white. Some others may inadvertently raise the corners of their mouth into a smile. This is a result of the involuntary response of the zygomaticus major muscle in the cheek.
Eyebrows also tend to rise during a lie due to the corrugator supercilii, which is a muscle between the brows. These are known as micro-expressions. Cliff Lansley says:
“These twitches are signals, originating from deep in the emotional brain.
When we experience emotions that we don’t want to show, we can suppress facial expressions once we feel them half a second after the trigger.
The onset of these expressions can show on the face for 1/25th of a second.”
For these reasons, poker players tend to wear caps and eye shades to avoid being read by trained deception experts when making a bluff.
#6. Adjusting His Tie Means He’s Telling A Lie
A person repeatedly touching his upper body like scratching their head, twirling their hair or rubbing their chin are all signs of deceit. There are two reasons for this.
The first is the classic “grooming gesture” is a way for a person to ease anxiety by focusing on simple, familiar gestures which can then distract the listener. A man can adjust his tie or shirt cuffs, or straighten his glasses, while an untruthful woman might tuck a strand of hair behind her ear or straighten her skirt to deceive the other they’re telling lies to.
The second reason is for protection. A liar subconsciously ‘covers’ the truth by hiding their mouth or eyes, or shielding their vulnerable body parts. They can either put their hands to their throat, chest or neck while telling a fib.
However, Cliff Lansley says these signs are only reliable when they “appear as clusters and occur within seven seconds of a person being “stimulated” with a good question.” Also when their gestures are at odds with what they’re saying like saying “yes” but shaking their head, then their body language is betraying their lie.
And to make it real sure that they are telling the truth, try touching their palms. We sweat more when we tell lies. So if their palms feel damp, they are likely to tell a lie.
#7. Long Pauses Awards Them Time To Make Up Excuses
A long hesitation before answering a question is a sign that they are “searching for inspiration or trying to throw you off the scent.” Cliff Lansley says filling in the pause with verbal fillers like ‘umm’ and ‘err’ is a way to buy time to think of an escape to the question. He said:
“Those who don’t answer the question, or answer with a question, or those who don’t offer a direct denial, are practicing evasion.
Another indicator is when a person switches to “convince” mode. We hear this in phrases such as ‘Honestly,’ ‘Trust me’ or ‘Ask my mother — she’ll tell you that I’m a good person!’”
On the other hand, Judi James says the quickest way to determine a liar on the phone is to ask for extra information. She explained:
“A liar might have concocted their story but asking for more detail will floor them.
Lying is a complex process for the body. You have to think of the truth first, then suppress it, manufacture the lie, and then perform it.
It’s common to use a verbal “swerve”, too. A liar will often come back fighting: ‘You went through my phone messages?’ or ‘How could you distrust me?’”
Finally, listen closely to how they breathe. A liar’s heart rate and blood flow quicken, making him breathe more heavily.
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