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A Divorced Man Wrote These 20 Epic Marriage Advice He Wished He Could Have Had

He lost the love of his life through divorce, he wished he could have done these things to save his marriage.

Divorce is messy and painful. It takes you on a rollercoaster ride of emotions often filled with resentment and regret from a love that’s been lost, or for a love that wasn’t even there to begin with.

And that is never easy. But when two people who promised to spend a lifetime together separate, they don’t just end their marriage—they end years upon years of friendship, promises, and dreams. They end bitter-sweet memories of what used to be and leave nothing but questions of where, why, and how something that was once so beautiful and true could go terribly wrong.

Neither marriage nor divorce comes with an instruction manual, so when Gerard Rogers lost the love of his life through divorce, he wished he could have done these things to save his marriage:

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Obviously, I’m not a relationship expert. But there’s something about my divorce being finalized this week that gives me perspective of things I wish I would have done different: After losing a woman that I loved, and a marriage of almost 16 years, here’s the advice I wish I would have had…
Gerald Rogers

#1. Never stop courting. Never stop dating.

NEVER EVER take that woman for granted. When you asked her to marry you, you promised to be that man that would OWN HER HEART and to fiercely protect it. This is the most important and sacred treasure you will ever be entrusted with. SHE CHOSE YOU. Never forget that, and NEVER GET LAZY in your love.

#2. Protect your own heart.

Just as you committed to being the protector of her heart, you must guard your own with the same vigilance. Love yourself fully, love the world openly, but there is a special place in your heart where no one must enter except for your wife. Keep that space always ready to receive her and invite her in, and refuse to let anyone or anything else enter there.

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#3. Fall in love over and over and over again.

You will constantly change. You’re not the same people you were when you got married, and in five years you will not be the same person you are today. Change will come, and in that you have to re-choose each other everyday. SHE DOESN’T HAVE TO STAY WITH YOU, and if you don’t take care of her heart, she may give that heart to someone else or seal you out completely, and you may never be able to get it back. Always fight to win her love just as you did when you were courting her.

#4. Always see the best in her.

Focus only on what you love. What you focus on will expand. If you focus on what bugs you, all you will see is reasons to be bugged. If you focus on what you love, you can’t help but be consumed by love. Focus to the point where you can no longer see anything but love, and you know without a doubt that you are the luckiest man on earth to be have this woman as your wife.

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#5. It’s not your job to change or fix her.

Your job is to love her as she is with no expectation of her ever changing. And if she changes, love what she becomes, whether it’s what you wanted or not.

#6. Take full accountability.

Take full accountability for your own emotions. It’s not your wife’s job to make you happy, and she CAN’T make you sad. You are responsible for finding your own happiness, and through that your joy will spill over into your relationship and your love.

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#7. Never blame her if you get angry.

NEVER BLAME your wife If YOU get frustrated or angry at her, it is only because it is triggering something inside of YOU. They are YOUR emotions, and your responsibility. When you feel those feelings take time to get present and to look within and understand what it is inside of YOU that is asking to be healed. You were attracted to this woman because she was the person best suited to trigger all of your childhood wounds in the most painful way so that you could heal them: when you heal yourself, you will no longer be triggered by her, and you will wonder why you ever were.

#8. Allow your woman to just be.

When she’s sad or upset, it’s not your job to fix it, it’s your job to HOLD HER and let her know it’s ok. Let her know that you hear her, and that she’s important and that you are that pillar on which she can always lean. The feminine spirit is about change and emotion and like a storm her emotions will roll in and out, and as you remain strong and unjudging she will trust you and open her soul to you: DON’T RUN-AWAY WHEN SHE’S UPSET. Stand present and strong and let her know you aren’t going anywhere. Listen to what she is really saying behind the words and emotion.

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#9. Be silly.

Don’t take yourself so damn seriously. Laugh. And make her laugh. Laughter makes everything else easier.

#10. Fill her soul everyday.

Learn her love languages and the specific ways that she feels important and validated and CHERISHED. Ask her to create a list of 10 THINGS that make her feel loved and memorize those things and make it a priority everyday to make her feel like a queen.

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#11. Be present.

Give her not only your time, but your focus, your attention and your soul. Do whatever it takes to clear your head so that when you are with her you are fully WITH HER. Treat her as you would your most valuable client. She is.

#12. Don’t be an idiot.

Don’t be an idiot and don’t be afraid of being one either. You will make mistakes and so will she. Try not to make too big of mistakes, and learn from the ones you do make. You’re not supposed to be perfect, just try to not be too stupid.

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#13. Be willing to take her sexually.

To carry her away in the power of your masculine presence, to consume her and devour her with your strength, and to penetrate her to the deepest levels of her soul. Let her melt into her feminine softness as she knows she can trust you fully.

#14. Give her space.

The woman is so good at giving and giving, and sometimes she will need to be reminded to take time to nurture herself. Sometimes she will need to fly from your branches to go and find what feeds her soul, and if you give her that space she will come back with new songs to sing:. (okay, getting a little too poetic here, but you get the point. Tell her to take time for herself, ESPECIALLY after you have kids. She needs that space to renew and get re-centered, and to find herself after she gets lost in serving you, the kids and the world.)

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#15. Be vulnerable.

You don’t have to have it all together. Be willing to share your fears and feelings, and quick to acknowledge your mistakes.

#16. Be fully transparent.

If you want to have trust you must be willing to share EVERYTHING: Especially those things you don’t want to share. It takes courage to fully love, to fully open your heart and let her in when you don’t know i she will like what she finds… Part of that courage is allowing her to love you completely, your darkness as well as your light. DROP THE MASK: If you feel like you need to wear a mask around her, and show up perfect all the time, you will never experience the full dimension of what love can be.

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#17. Never stop growing together.

The stagnant pond breeds malaria, the flowing stream is always fresh and cool. Atrophy is the natural process when you stop working a muscle, just as it is if you stop working on your relationship. Find common goals, dreams and visions to work towards.

#18. Don’t worry about money.

Money is a game, find ways to work together as a team to win it. It never helps when teammates fight. Figure out ways to leverage both persons strength to win.

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#19. Forgive immediately.

Forgive immediately and focus on the future rather than carrying weight from the past. Don’t let your history hold you hostage. Holding onto past mistakes that either you or she makes, is like a heavy anchor to your marriage and will hold you back. FORGIVENESS IS FREEDOM. Cut the anchor loose and always choose love.

#20. Always choose love. Always choose love…

In the end, this is the only advice you need. If this is the guiding principle through which all your choices is governed, there is nothing that will threaten the happiness of your marriage. Love will always endure.

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In the end MARRIAGE isn’t about Happily ever after. It’s about work. And a commitment to grow together and a willingness to continually invest in creating something that can endure eternity. Through that work, the happiness will come.

Marriage is life, and it will bring ups and downs. Embracing all of the cycles and learning to learn from and love each experience will bring the strength and perspective to keep building, one brick at a time.

These are lessons I learned the hard way. These are lessons I learned too late.

But these are lessons I am learning and committed in carrying forward. Truth is, I LOVED being married, and in time, I will get married again, and when I do, I will build it with a foundation that will endure any storm and any amount of time.

If you are reading this and find wisdom in my pain, share it those those young husbands whose hearts are still full of hope, and with those couples you may know who may have forgotten how to love. One of those men may be like I was, and in these hard earned lessons perhaps something will awaken in him and he will learn to be the man his lady has been waiting for.

The woman that told him ‘I do’, and trusted her life with him, has been waiting for this man to step up.

Be the type of husband your wife can’t help but brag about.

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If you are reading this and your marriage isn’t what you want it to be, take 100% responsibility for YOUR PART in marriage, regardless of where your spouse is at, and commit to applying these lessons while there is time.

MEN- THIS IS YOUR CHARGE: Commit to being an EPIC LOVER. There is no greater challenge, and no greater prize. Your woman deserves that from you.

For those who says, this was written by a disgruntled woman. Check out Gerald Rogers original facebook post. Also, here’s a beautiful response to this marriage advice from a woman’s perspective.


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6 Helpful Tips From a Sex Expert To Make The Experience More Enjoyable

Have a remarkable sexual experience with these tips in mind.

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Humans have been having sex for millions of years. The drive and the desire to do the act is in our nature and that said, it can be considered as a craft that can be improved with practice and research. The act not only affects people physically but also emotionally and psychologically. While the topic is mostly taboo and some people shun the idea of talking about it, sex should not be treated as such.

Some people can say with confidence that their sex lives are awesome, the same thing cannot be said by other people. Even if sex is natural and is meant to be great and fulfilling, there are those who can’t seem to enjoy the experience. The good thing is that there are sex and relationship experts that can help people who are unlucky in the sex department. Here are six tips from an expert at VT that should make your sexual experience enjoyable, meaningful, and satisfying.

#1. “Normal” sex doesn’t exist.

Sex is enjoyed by you and that means, “normal” doesn’t exist. What you enjoy may not be favored by most of your friends and that’s okay because what matters is that you and your partner are happy with the act. While there are videos that tell people that sex should be done this and that way, you can do things differently if that’s what you and your partner are into.

#2. Communication is important

In any relationship, communication is vital. It’s the same for sex. It’s important to let your partner know what you like and dislike and what makes you feel uncomfortable. There are several ways you can let your partner know what works for you. Commonly, some would subtly dictate their partner with a physical guide. Others would prefer having a serious conversation on the matter.

#3. Women should also orgasm.

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It’s common for the man to reach climax when having sex but women can also do the same. Reports have it that women who sleep with men only reach climax 65 percent of the time. On the other hand, women engaging in homosexual sex orgasm 86 percent of the time.

Men, this only means that your woman cannot reach the big O – it’s just that you’re not doing it right and you’re not letting her get to that point. In other words, improve your game.

#4. Pain is unacceptable.

Christian Grey definitely disagrees but generally, sex shouldn’t hurt – except maybe if you like it rough like Mr. Grey. Sex is something that an individual should be satisfied with and it’s something that’s meant to be enjoyable.

Also, one should be in the zone to fully savor the moment. That way, your body should also relax and the experience isn’t unpleasant. However, if you feel pain while doing the deed, you might need to see your doctor.

#5. Distraction is okay.

At some point, you may have felt distracted in the middle of the deed – and that’s totally acceptable. It can be embarrassing to think that you’ve found yourself thinking about other things but that doesn’t mean something’s wrong with your sex life. You just have to practice focusing on the moment, even outside your bedroom. Soon enough, you’ll become more mindful.

#6. Sex doesn’t necessarily mean penetration.

Penetration is not the only way for the act to be called sex, according to VT. There are different ways to get sexual with your partner. If you do the same thing over and over, it can be boring and the experience may not be as enjoyable as it should be. There have been studies showing that couples who have the same sex routine can have lowered sexual drive compared to those who like to spice things up.

With these tips from a sex therapist, you’ll find yourself feeling remarkable with sexual experience like no other. Enjoy the moment!

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History

Stunning Photographs Reveal Sunken Luxurious Roman City Lost for 1,700 Years

The sunken city of Baiae is like Las Vegas in ancient times.

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The ancient city of Baiae in Rome is being compared to Las Vegas, in which it was a blooming area frequented by the nation’s rich and famous personalities. Baiae was once a popular resort where the elites and emperors expend their wealth and enjoy lavish parties. But 1,700 years ago, this grand city lost its vibrancy after nature took a lash at it and made it disappear beneath the waves.

Fast forward to many thousand years later, the site was rediscovered by an expedition team and it was found that most of the statues and mosaics have been beautifully preserved. Italian photographer Antonio Busiello captured stunning images of the old prosperous city, giving people a glimpse of what the luxurious playground was like in ancient Rome.

The sunken city of Baiae is found in the Gulf of Naples, Italy.

Baiae was once a spot frequented by the rich and famous of Ancient Rome.

Personalities like Julius Caesar, Nero, Pompey the Great, Marius, and Hadrian used to visit the city…

Before volcanic activity caused it to retreat below the waters.

Scientists have discovered that the villas in the area were made from the finest white marble.

Much of Baiae was lost to the waves as volcanic activity resulted in the entire city being submerged underwater into the Gulf of Naples of today. In 2014, the south of Naples experienced heavy flooding that caused landslides, which then exposed portions of the old Baiae.

Continuous landslides in 2014 exposed the hidden sunken city.

Recently, divers were allowed to explore the sunken site to take photos.

A team of divers discovered numerous ruins and Roman monuments.

Busiello said diving here is like "a dive into history."

Busiello, who lives in Naples, managed to photograph Baiae and found that mosaics and statues remain well-preserved across centuries. The 45-year-old said that the city was considered as one of Rome’s most important cities.

“The beautiful mosaics, and the villas and temples that have reemerged or are still underwater show the opulence and wealth of this area.It was considered one of the most important Roman cities for centuries. Pliny the Younger used to live here and from here, across the gulf, he witnessed and described the 79 AD eruption of Mount Vesuvius that destroyed Pompeii and Herculaneum.”

The gorgeous town once had cobbled streets, statues, mosaics, and spas. Julius Caesar and Emperor Nero’s luxurious villas were found here as well. The site was also a place where temples dedicated to Venus, Diana and Mercury were erected.

Baiae was left untouched for centuries and because of that, it has become a sanctuary for sea creatures.

Pisoni and Protiro villas are visible on site.

Intricate mosaic designs and residential rooms can also be seen.

Divers have also found many treasures still intact.

Historians claim that the city is synonymous to wickedness and luxury.

Following the discovery of the drowned city, scientists from Italy’s University of Calabria and Spanish researcher, Mónica Alvarez de Buergo, worked together to analyze one of Baiae villa’s most valuable elements: the white marble. The team took the plunge to determine the type of material used for the construction of the beautiful villas that remain intact today.

The analyses were published in Applied Surface Science journal and it confirmed that the marble came from quarries in Italy, Turkey, and Greece.

Watch the video below to see the team’s exploration of the sunken city of Baiae.

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Busting The Myth About Female Virginity – Can You Tell A Virgin From A Non-Virgin?

Virginity is said to be a state of mind.

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Being a female virgin can be a huge turn-on for some men that they would want their future partners to be someone who hasn’t done the deed yet. For some, ending up with someone who’s still a virgin feels like winning a lottery ticket. But the thing is, no one can really tell if a woman is still a virgin or not just by looking at her.

They say the only way to know if you’re dating a virgin is to see if she bleeds the first time you have sex. That has been the mindset of people for many years but one doctor wants to bust the myth about female virginity.

Bleeding after having sex for the first time doesn’t determine a woman’s virginity.

There is a need to understand about the female hymen to bust the myth.

The hymen is a membrane that covers the vaginal opening.

Source: Sade Adeyina

Relationship and marriage therapist Dr. Oyebade Obalola Jerry writes in a lengthy Facebook post, hoping to provide some education about female virginity, particularly involving the hymen. According to Dr. Jerry, a good understanding of the hymen should put an end to the myth that virgin girls bleed after their first-time sex.

The state of a woman’s hymen doesn’t say anything about her sexual activity.

The hymen wears away with age.

Activities like biking, exercising and horseback riding can also wear away the hymen.

Some women don’t bleed after doing the deed for the first time but that doesn’t mean she’s instantly no longer a virgin. Not all women have hymen as some are born without it. For those who do, the case can vary. The types of hymen can differ from one woman to another, in which some can have thick hymens while others have thin ones.

In 1998, an informal study published in the British Medical Journal and led by Dr. Sara Patterson-Brown found that 63% of women who had sex for the first time reported the absence of bleeding. As Dr. Jerry continued to explain, women who bleed during sex are those that had rough sex partners.

For instance, if the guy forces the girl to have sex with him and penetrates her when she’s not ready, it would likely cause injury to the girl. Bleeding after sex the first time is most likely the result of an injury and not because of a “broken” hymen.

That said, Dr. Jerry intends to let people know the importance of learming more about the hymen because women are being hurt or criticized for not bleeding after sex the first time. There are cases in which women are being divorced or even physically abused because their spouses think they are a disgrace just because they didn’t have “virgin bleeding.” The most important takeaway is that you can’t be “virgin detectives” since there is no way one can assess if a woman is still a virgin or not.

Take these wise words from Scarleteen:

There is NO physical way to determine if someone is a virgin, because virginity is an idea, not a medical or physical condition.

Do you agree that virginity is just a state of mind? Share your thoughts in the comments section below.

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