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A Divorced Man Wrote These 20 Epic Marriage Advice He Wished He Could Have Had

He lost the love of his life through divorce, he wished he could have done these things to save his marriage.

Divorce is messy and painful. It takes you on a rollercoaster ride of emotions often filled with resentment and regret from a love that’s been lost, or for a love that wasn’t even there to begin with.

And that is never easy. But when two people who promised to spend a lifetime together separate, they don’t just end their marriage—they end years upon years of friendship, promises, and dreams. They end bitter-sweet memories of what used to be and leave nothing but questions of where, why, and how something that was once so beautiful and true could go terribly wrong.

Neither marriage nor divorce comes with an instruction manual, so when Gerard Rogers lost the love of his life through divorce, he wished he could have done these things to save his marriage:

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Obviously, I’m not a relationship expert. But there’s something about my divorce being finalized this week that gives me perspective of things I wish I would have done different: After losing a woman that I loved, and a marriage of almost 16 years, here’s the advice I wish I would have had…
Gerald Rogers

#1. Never stop courting. Never stop dating.

NEVER EVER take that woman for granted. When you asked her to marry you, you promised to be that man that would OWN HER HEART and to fiercely protect it. This is the most important and sacred treasure you will ever be entrusted with. SHE CHOSE YOU. Never forget that, and NEVER GET LAZY in your love.

#2. Protect your own heart.

Just as you committed to being the protector of her heart, you must guard your own with the same vigilance. Love yourself fully, love the world openly, but there is a special place in your heart where no one must enter except for your wife. Keep that space always ready to receive her and invite her in, and refuse to let anyone or anything else enter there.

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#3. Fall in love over and over and over again.

You will constantly change. You’re not the same people you were when you got married, and in five years you will not be the same person you are today. Change will come, and in that you have to re-choose each other everyday. SHE DOESN’T HAVE TO STAY WITH YOU, and if you don’t take care of her heart, she may give that heart to someone else or seal you out completely, and you may never be able to get it back. Always fight to win her love just as you did when you were courting her.

#4. Always see the best in her.

Focus only on what you love. What you focus on will expand. If you focus on what bugs you, all you will see is reasons to be bugged. If you focus on what you love, you can’t help but be consumed by love. Focus to the point where you can no longer see anything but love, and you know without a doubt that you are the luckiest man on earth to be have this woman as your wife.

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#5. It’s not your job to change or fix her.

Your job is to love her as she is with no expectation of her ever changing. And if she changes, love what she becomes, whether it’s what you wanted or not.

#6. Take full accountability.

Take full accountability for your own emotions. It’s not your wife’s job to make you happy, and she CAN’T make you sad. You are responsible for finding your own happiness, and through that your joy will spill over into your relationship and your love.

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#7. Never blame her if you get angry.

NEVER BLAME your wife If YOU get frustrated or angry at her, it is only because it is triggering something inside of YOU. They are YOUR emotions, and your responsibility. When you feel those feelings take time to get present and to look within and understand what it is inside of YOU that is asking to be healed. You were attracted to this woman because she was the person best suited to trigger all of your childhood wounds in the most painful way so that you could heal them: when you heal yourself, you will no longer be triggered by her, and you will wonder why you ever were.

#8. Allow your woman to just be.

When she’s sad or upset, it’s not your job to fix it, it’s your job to HOLD HER and let her know it’s ok. Let her know that you hear her, and that she’s important and that you are that pillar on which she can always lean. The feminine spirit is about change and emotion and like a storm her emotions will roll in and out, and as you remain strong and unjudging she will trust you and open her soul to you: DON’T RUN-AWAY WHEN SHE’S UPSET. Stand present and strong and let her know you aren’t going anywhere. Listen to what she is really saying behind the words and emotion.

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#9. Be silly.

Don’t take yourself so damn seriously. Laugh. And make her laugh. Laughter makes everything else easier.

#10. Fill her soul everyday.

Learn her love languages and the specific ways that she feels important and validated and CHERISHED. Ask her to create a list of 10 THINGS that make her feel loved and memorize those things and make it a priority everyday to make her feel like a queen.

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#11. Be present.

Give her not only your time, but your focus, your attention and your soul. Do whatever it takes to clear your head so that when you are with her you are fully WITH HER. Treat her as you would your most valuable client. She is.

#12. Don’t be an idiot.

Don’t be an idiot and don’t be afraid of being one either. You will make mistakes and so will she. Try not to make too big of mistakes, and learn from the ones you do make. You’re not supposed to be perfect, just try to not be too stupid.

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#13. Be willing to take her sexually.

To carry her away in the power of your masculine presence, to consume her and devour her with your strength, and to penetrate her to the deepest levels of her soul. Let her melt into her feminine softness as she knows she can trust you fully.

#14. Give her space.

The woman is so good at giving and giving, and sometimes she will need to be reminded to take time to nurture herself. Sometimes she will need to fly from your branches to go and find what feeds her soul, and if you give her that space she will come back with new songs to sing:. (okay, getting a little too poetic here, but you get the point. Tell her to take time for herself, ESPECIALLY after you have kids. She needs that space to renew and get re-centered, and to find herself after she gets lost in serving you, the kids and the world.)

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#15. Be vulnerable.

You don’t have to have it all together. Be willing to share your fears and feelings, and quick to acknowledge your mistakes.

#16. Be fully transparent.

If you want to have trust you must be willing to share EVERYTHING: Especially those things you don’t want to share. It takes courage to fully love, to fully open your heart and let her in when you don’t know i she will like what she finds… Part of that courage is allowing her to love you completely, your darkness as well as your light. DROP THE MASK: If you feel like you need to wear a mask around her, and show up perfect all the time, you will never experience the full dimension of what love can be.

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#17. Never stop growing together.

The stagnant pond breeds malaria, the flowing stream is always fresh and cool. Atrophy is the natural process when you stop working a muscle, just as it is if you stop working on your relationship. Find common goals, dreams and visions to work towards.

#18. Don’t worry about money.

Money is a game, find ways to work together as a team to win it. It never helps when teammates fight. Figure out ways to leverage both persons strength to win.

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#19. Forgive immediately.

Forgive immediately and focus on the future rather than carrying weight from the past. Don’t let your history hold you hostage. Holding onto past mistakes that either you or she makes, is like a heavy anchor to your marriage and will hold you back. FORGIVENESS IS FREEDOM. Cut the anchor loose and always choose love.

#20. Always choose love. Always choose love…

In the end, this is the only advice you need. If this is the guiding principle through which all your choices is governed, there is nothing that will threaten the happiness of your marriage. Love will always endure.

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In the end MARRIAGE isn’t about Happily ever after. It’s about work. And a commitment to grow together and a willingness to continually invest in creating something that can endure eternity. Through that work, the happiness will come.

Marriage is life, and it will bring ups and downs. Embracing all of the cycles and learning to learn from and love each experience will bring the strength and perspective to keep building, one brick at a time.

These are lessons I learned the hard way. These are lessons I learned too late.

But these are lessons I am learning and committed in carrying forward. Truth is, I LOVED being married, and in time, I will get married again, and when I do, I will build it with a foundation that will endure any storm and any amount of time.

If you are reading this and find wisdom in my pain, share it those those young husbands whose hearts are still full of hope, and with those couples you may know who may have forgotten how to love. One of those men may be like I was, and in these hard earned lessons perhaps something will awaken in him and he will learn to be the man his lady has been waiting for.

The woman that told him ‘I do’, and trusted her life with him, has been waiting for this man to step up.

Be the type of husband your wife can’t help but brag about.

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If you are reading this and your marriage isn’t what you want it to be, take 100% responsibility for YOUR PART in marriage, regardless of where your spouse is at, and commit to applying these lessons while there is time.

MEN- THIS IS YOUR CHARGE: Commit to being an EPIC LOVER. There is no greater challenge, and no greater prize. Your woman deserves that from you.

For those who say this was written by a disgruntled woman. Check out Gerald Rogers original Facebook post. Also, here’s a beautiful response to this marriage advice from a woman’s perspective.


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64 Comments

  1. Tope Eyezallhazy Bright

    February 28, 2017 at 12:15 PM

    Idowu Ayodelemi

  2. Carol Lee

    February 28, 2017 at 5:17 AM

    Allan Khoo.. the one you looking for…

  3. Nalm Zwyqx Lim

    February 28, 2017 at 3:55 AM

    John Ryojie Lim Formento
    bshin mo..
    bka humantong k s ganyan..

  4. Kirrel Bongco

    February 27, 2017 at 4:49 PM

    I wish you would take time to read this. Love you Dad Carlo John Sumagui

  5. Wa Njamba

    February 27, 2017 at 3:13 PM

    Jesse Mwangi Kimani nice read

  6. Lily Gobin

    February 27, 2017 at 3:01 PM

    Sajeev Jagmohan

  7. Evelyn Boringot Valdoz

    February 27, 2017 at 12:58 PM

    Jefrey Valdoz

  8. Maureen Sahagun

    February 27, 2017 at 12:21 PM

    Jack

  9. Janice Cabatas Canales

    February 27, 2017 at 12:20 PM

    ☝✊👍💘💪😢😟😞😒😯😈

  10. Jeff Go

    February 27, 2017 at 9:17 AM

    I am going get married someday.

  11. Siew Kwan Loh

    February 27, 2017 at 7:59 AM

    Chris Galilei

  12. Ralyks Enidlehs

    February 27, 2017 at 7:15 AM

    Edil Inchan basaem

  13. Joanne Krystal Dejaros Villamor

    February 27, 2017 at 6:25 AM

    Earl Stephen Villamor😘

  14. Brandon Moore

    February 27, 2017 at 5:24 AM

    Holly Johnson

  15. Molly Chao Yang

    February 27, 2017 at 4:18 AM

    Tou Thao 👍🏻

  16. Ma Yie

    February 27, 2017 at 3:46 AM

    Sinong gustong bumaba ang electric bill? Kung problemado ka sa taas ng bill mo may solusyon na tayo dyan. JAPAN MADE SCALAR ENERGY SAVER STICKER only 199 pesos good for 5yrs. Makakatulong na pababain ang inyong bill sa kuryente up to 30% and anti radiation din ito. How to avail? Pm me directly.

  17. Chelsea Vaquera

    February 27, 2017 at 3:00 AM

    Miguel A. Vaquera

  18. Adelene B. Galit

    February 27, 2017 at 2:36 AM

    Daddy Ren Santizas Galit read it 😊

  19. Jessica Obusa

    February 27, 2017 at 1:04 AM

    how i wish my husband will change and be like this….how happy our relationships and life now and forever…

  20. Terah Blair

    February 27, 2017 at 12:27 AM

    This is beautiful. I love how he made productive use of his worst pain to help others. Bravo!! #growth

  21. Jamie Quijano-Zoleta

    February 26, 2017 at 11:35 PM

    Xen Zoleta 😍

  22. Megan Lee Guerrero

    February 26, 2017 at 10:27 PM

    Zathan Paulino de Leon mahaba ito pero sana basahin mo. Maganda sia.

  23. Stefanie Caucci Giannou

    February 26, 2017 at 10:18 PM

    Chris Giannou. Very interesting!

  24. Abdulsalam Usman

    February 26, 2017 at 9:35 PM

    Life goes on

  25. Claire Curran

    February 26, 2017 at 8:58 PM

    Sam Burfield

  26. Nicky Lawrence Willuweit

    February 26, 2017 at 8:57 PM

    Steven Willuweit

  27. Jacob Respecia

    February 26, 2017 at 8:56 PM

    San Laine

  28. ROnn Tome Suarilla

    February 26, 2017 at 8:43 PM

    Mercy Munsayac Suarilla

  29. Stephanie Dela Cruz

    February 26, 2017 at 5:28 PM

    Mau! Basahin o.

  30. Jenny Jenelleish

    February 26, 2017 at 5:03 PM

    spot on

  31. Dennis Scalley

    February 26, 2017 at 4:31 PM

    Sounds all great until the kids are crying the bill can’t be paid a dress for the wedding does not fit right and your fault you came home from work late because you had to finish and the amount of baggage you both bring to the relationship so when a perfect world all this will work you do the best you can and hope for a good outcome the biggest thing is not being selfish and helps to put the needs of your partneron the same level of y’all as yours

  32. LeeAnne Tremaine

    February 26, 2017 at 3:37 PM

    Sean Tremaine

  33. Akmar Azman

    February 26, 2017 at 3:36 PM

    Kids Amsyar MJ

  34. Billy White

    February 26, 2017 at 3:02 PM

    Debbie Woodruff Bowen

  35. Sharom Silva

    February 26, 2017 at 2:41 PM

    Chezel Silva

  36. Nida Shehzad Farooqui

    February 26, 2017 at 2:35 PM

    Wardah Absar Ahmed

  37. Angie Aguilar

    February 26, 2017 at 1:52 PM

    Francis Feliciano

  38. Alden Parcon Juance

    February 26, 2017 at 1:44 PM

    In short.. be humble always.. haha kalisud ba

  39. Romedlab Ngehs

    February 26, 2017 at 1:39 PM

    Ykcir Nauy Neyread

  40. Hazel Agnes Uy-Go

    February 26, 2017 at 1:32 PM

    Henry Angelo Go langga must read😘

  41. Natalie Harrison

    February 26, 2017 at 1:07 PM

    Maverick Matt Harrison good night time read xx

  42. Socram Acissej

    February 26, 2017 at 12:57 PM

    dont worry po, mrami nman tau dto kya mdali lng mginvite. bsta post lngpo g post

  43. Maricar Anicoche Pichay

    February 26, 2017 at 12:53 PM

    How i wish my husband could read this, …..but i’m sure he won’t…….

  44. Ta Del

    February 26, 2017 at 12:17 PM

    Haaays, ok sana to eh,un nga lng kalimitin naman, mga babae ang matyaga magbasa ng mga ganito.Maganda sana,….un nga lng madalas marami mga lalaki tinatamad magbasa,… para sa ibang lalaki boring magbasa ng mga katulad nito heheh haaays

  45. Sherra Veda Mae Ferrer

    February 26, 2017 at 12:05 PM

    Read 😊😊 Mark Rodolfo V Ferrer

  46. Lisa Wirth

    February 26, 2017 at 12:04 PM

    Ben – this is a great read for anyone who is married.

  47. Kelly Collins

    February 26, 2017 at 11:44 AM

    Matthew

  48. Eric GZ

    February 26, 2017 at 11:30 AM

    Dvd Fuo

  49. Nic VL

    February 26, 2017 at 11:05 AM

    Adam Dyer

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