Hilarious Tweets That Sum Up What Marriage is All About

Most of us daydream of what our married life will be like. Perhaps we imagine romantic and intimate nights under the covers, or maybe sweet mornings making each other breakfast. We imagine spending the rest of our days with our spouse in marriage bliss ’til death do us part. While all this sound so sweet and ideal, what can married couples really say about marriage?

Below are some very insightful and funny tweets about what to expect in marriage:

1. Seriously it’s Tacos!! Who can say no to Tacos?

Wife: I'm going to grab some dinner, you want anything?
Me: No thanks, I'm stuffed.
Wife: Ok, I'm going to Taco…
Me: I'll have 9 tacos.

— keith (@tchrquotes) February 28, 2015

2. Tsk, tsk it is the same husband asking for tacos… 😛

Me: Look, I love you, But I made exactly the amount of cheese & crackers I want to eat right now.
Wife: But I only…
Me: EXACTLY the amount

— keith (@tchrquotes) November 4, 2014

3. Yeah nowhere in the marriage contract can we see that we have to share KitKat with our spouses!

Husband got excited thinking I was touching myself under the covers but I was actually just opening a Kit Kat I didn't wanna share.

— Valerie (@ValeeGrrl) December 30, 2015

4. Ahhh the battle of what to have for dinner, such tricky tactics!

Wife: You pick dinner.

Me: Pizza.

Wife: No.

Me: Tacos.

Wife: No.

Me: Subs.

Wife: No.

Me: WHAT DO YOU WANT?!

Wife: It's up to you.

— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) February 22, 2016

5. Yes, it’s affirmative. Women like this tactic.

When my husband asks me where I want to eat, I always say, "Somewhere good." And then reject every one of his suggestions. I'm a delight.

— Bossy Britches (@BossyBritches72) September 1, 2014

6. When you try to recall your wedding vows…

I had to wipe baby poop off my wife's foot.

I don't remember that one being in our wedding vows.

My wife assures me it was in there.

— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) July 29, 2016

7. When the kids are being delightfully annoying…

Husband: UGH that kid is JUST LIKE YOU.
Me: Wonderful?
H:
M: Charming?
H:
M: Light of your life?
H: [leaves room]
Me: [shouts] SUPER COOL?

— Kim Bongiorno ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜 (@LetMeStart) October 24, 2015

8. The same logic applies to pets…

9. And don’t forget those innocent competitions for affection!

10. A dog in a tux is irresistibly charming, totally fine by me!

WIFE: Stop spending money on stupid stuff
ME: Okay
[later]
WIFE: What the hell?
[dog walks by in a tuxedo]
ME: He's getting married, Karen

— Floyd (@dafloydsta) August 17, 2016

11. Art of Seduction indeed

"Should we just lie in bed and eat chocolate and look at the Tupperware catalogue?" My husband, turning me on.

— lauren robinson (@laurenjoyness) August 3, 2016

12. Who needs lingerie? A shirt without food stains can equally do the trick!

Just put on fancy socks and a night shirt with no food stains so I can try to seduce my husband later.

— Ashley Austrew (@ashleyaustrew) January 23, 2016

13. Flipping coins pretty much decide some matters regarding sexy time

Today's my husband's birthday, so…

*flips coin to see if I should shave above the knee*

— Ashley Austrew (@ashleyaustrew) January 29, 2016

14. Literal food pr0n, anyone?

My wife messaged me to say she's excited to have barbecue ribs with me tonight, so I made sure to compliment her sexting skills.

— Myles Morrison (@myles_morrison) July 31, 2015

15. Arguments about toilet papers.

It's Friday night, so my wife and I drank wine and talked politics.

Just kidding.

We had a 20 minute argument over brands of toilet paper.

— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) August 6, 2016

16. It kinda takes up a significant portion of the marriage.

Marriage teaches you a lot about yourself. For instance, I've learned that I don't need to use so many paper towels, and they're expensive.

— Pete Lynch (@PJTLynch) March 25, 2013

17. So sexy 😛

keeping our marriage fresh/exciting via texts pic.twitter.com/XB3dktiSnA

— Jeff Lyons (@usedwigs) January 16, 2016

18. You’ll love each other through thick and thin, through farts and burps and all that shit.

Marriage is basically just looking over at your partner saying "Did you hear that?" Every time your body makes a weird noise.

— The Fantastic Mr.Fox (@Camel_Crushin) July 6, 2016

19. Yeah do you have to do that, when we can do each other instead? 😉

Marriage is full of surprises but it's mostly just asking each other "do you have to do that right now?"

— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) August 23, 2016

20. And you thought it’s gonna be some sexy time finally eh!

https://twitter.com/mel_evans/status/701636263619665920?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw

21. I bet the wife even congratulated him for the record!

[rolls over in bed and whispers to wife]
"I ate like 75 chicken nuggets today"

— rob big whoa elliott (@rockymomax) February 16, 2016

22. After all, when all the physical attraction is gone, all we are left with are conversations 🙂

Marriage is essentially just having somebody who you can have regular conversations with while one or both of you are stark naked.

— lauren robinson (@laurenjoyness) September 15, 2015

23. This marriage and coffee analogy is so much win!

Marriage is like coffee. First it's really hot. Then it's just right. Then it helps you get off your ass and do things.

— Josh Hara (@yoyoha) February 10, 2016

24. And a guide to marriage from year 1 to year 10 😉

Marriage Morning Ritual Year One: *kiss*. I love you!
Year Five: Have a great day! *air kiss*
Year Ten: Grunt; stumbles out the door.

— Classy and Cussing (@DrunkAtThePTA) February 25, 2016

There you have it singletons, marriage can be funny and annoying. But going through all that is worth it, as long as we are with the love of our life. And for the married couples there, are any of these tweets relatable and true? Leave a comment below!