A Norwegian man went through a horrifying and hilarious ordeal when his “family jewels” inadvertently gets caught in an Ikea stool.
In 2016, Claus Jørstad from Alta, Norway went to Swedish furniture chain, Ikea to purchase a stool for his shower. He’d injured his knee earlier, and thought showering while sitting would keep the weight off his hurt joint.
Claus chose a Marius stool because it had holes in the seat and would easily drain water when he showered. Thus, keeping his nuts from too much soaking discomfort.
Unfortunately, “discomfort” turned out to be an understatement for Claus, whose scrotum got trapped inside one of those holes while he was in the bathroom.
The 45-year-old IKEA shopper, posted a review of his recent purchase on the store’s Facebook page. He included a picture of the stool, which had holes in the top, and explained that he had been sitting on it in the shower when he felt a strange sensation – uh – down there.
“Sitting there and noticing the accident, I bent down to see what the f**k happened, I realised the little nutter has got stuck,” he wrote. “And as I couldn’t move, I started pondering how the hell I was gonna get outta the mess. After a lot of pondering forth and back, I realised I had no bloody ideas.”
Claus had the hot water on, and the heat caused the trapped testicle to expand. Which made it impossible for him to pull his captured cojones out.
Claus said he was trapped for so long under the running water, too afraid to yank his snared sack out of its prison for fear of tearing it off his body completely.
Pretty soon, the hot water ran out, and the shower started spewing cold water.
“The water turned cold by itself. So I started freezing. The water got cold. Even more cold than my mother-in-law’s smile when I married her daughter.” Claus recounted.
Risking electrocution, Claus reached for his hair dryer to try to get warm again. And that was when he realized he was a free man.
“In despair, I reached for the hairdryer to keep warm while pondering, and that’s when I realized the nut has got loose from the squirrel stool,” he said. “It was when I reached for the dryer I realized I was a free man.”
The cold water had shrunk his nut sack enough to allow it to slip out of its circular confinement.
Relieved, he immediately lodged a complaint at Ikea’s Facebook page. He explained:
“As you can imagine, the skipper is the captain down there, and the sailors are the two nuts that dangle.”
His predicament, complete with pictures and updates, went viral and was shared tens of thousands of times.
Ikea even responded with Claus’ maritime theme in mind.
“Hey Claus. We recommend that you take the stool out of the shower… or that you sit on it with the right uniform on and in the right setting.”
“If you choose to keep it in the shower, make sure you are well dressed for your next sea excursion.”
Quick learner Claus promptly responded by posting a picture of the offending stool, this time covered in a wash cloth – to better prevent future entrapment.
What better way to protect one’s balls than with a dancing red elephant.
Let this be a lesson to all Ikea customers. If you possess a “skipper and two sailors,” don’t use the Marius stool in the shower. Or keep it covered like Claus did afterwards to prevent untoward captivity in the future.
Eventually, though, he conceded that it was probably safer to relocate the stool to somewhere else in his house. But, after attaining so much notoriety on Facebook, it’s hard to imagine that anyone could sit on the chair and not think of poor Jørstad and his, um, smaller Jørstads getting caught in the seat!
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